30 days.
Seriously?
Just one month?
I cannot believe it is really here...almost.
It was back in September or October when I first felt the calling to go. I have NEVER wanted to do mission work. Never! That's always something I respected, but it was always the kinda thing where I was like, "That's great that you are doing that, but it's just not for me." The place I enjoy being most is in my comfort zone. A foreign country, away from Will, with people I don't really know, not really knowing what to expect...yeah, not for me.
I can give you an entire list of reasons why I did NOT want to go...
#1: Probably the biggest reason was I had to get shots...5 to be exact. And in case you didn't know, I have a major needle phobia. When I had shoulder surgery at 16, I fainted & had a seizure when I got the iv. Ever since then I have had MAJOR issues with needles! When I had to get a tetanus shot going into grad school, that was Will's first experience with my fainting/seizure episodes. It scared him to death to say the least!
#2: The cost of the trip is $2,600 & we are supposed to raise that money through support. That's just awkward for me - asking people for money? Besides asking my mom to pay for my highlights or dinner every once in awhile, that's not really in my comfort zone! I was overwhelmed with fear - what if I don't raise it all?
#3: Right about the time the deposit for the trip was due, all the hype about the "naked body scanners" in airports came out in the news. Awesome.
#4: Then my fear of crashing into the Atlantic Ocean started. I would wake up from bad dreams about crashing into the ocean, being trapped in the plane & slowly drowning. I'm still not really over that fear...
#5: Then you know of course we go & kill Bin Laden & threats of retaliation rise. I read about missionaries in Africa being chased by war lords & having their limbs ripped off...scary stuff in an unstable world!
But back in October, I genuinely felt that for me not to go would be disobedient. If God called me to go would he not only provide for me, but also protect me? All these fears were put in my head by Satan - Satan trying to make me crumble. Satan trying to prevent the Gospel from being spread. Nice try...
I successfully completed all 5 shots AND without fainting! This was just a very small sacrifice compared to what Jesus did for me.
I am $200 away from raising the full $2,600! Praise the Lord! I am humbled & overwhelmed by the generosity of family & friends.
Yes, I am still struggling with anxiety about the flight & traveling so far away in an unstable world, but I am confident that the Lord will comfort & protect me. After all, "If our God is for us, then what can stand against us?" (Romans 8:31) What better protector to have then the Creator of the world, himself?
It's incredible how my attitude has completely changed over these past 8 months. I went from feeling very reluctant with a "Do I have to?" kind of attitude, to feeling extremely honored & humbled that God chose me to do His work. If just one person accepts Christ & gets to spend eternity in Heaven, then all the money, all the shots, all my worries are MORE than worth it!
30 days...
